you'll grow up, you'll calm down.

rare rebels threatened by gorillas.

2008-11-19T12:53:00.001-08:00

I want to die.
I want to die.
I want to die.
I hate school.
My classes are shit.
I can't change them.
My work is not good enough.
I cant focus.
I am smart, I'm sick of being insulted everyday by this.
If I fail again I am not going back.

I'm sorry that I'm not good enough for you.

If you think Obama is a Marxist you're moron

2008-11-06T17:02:00.000-08:00

To everyone in America who believes that our new president, our first president of African American decent, holds Marxists beliefs you are wrong. Not only are you wrong, you are the worst type of wrong, you are part of the irrational Right. This is not the Right of barry goldwater or his comtemporaries, but the idiotic far Right of Rush Limbaugh or the ironically named "Focus on the Family." What basis do you have to believe that this man is a Marxist? More importantly, do you know what a Marxist is? Barack Obama is a liberal democrat. Karl Marx wrote the three volumes of Das Kapital. Barack Obama wants to ease the tax burden for the vast majority of American working people, and to tax the ultra rich more to pay for it. The ultra rich can afford to pay a little more in their taxes so that the rest of us can survive in this precarious economic situation we're in. Karl Marx proposed the seizure of the means of production to serve the interests of the prolateriat. There is no comparison. None at all. Obama only wants to make government work for the people of this country again, after so many years of negelect. If you can confuse the rthetoric of Barack and Karl so easily that you make some sort of connection you should get you head examined.

I know you might be bitter because old skeletor lost the election so badly, but at least have the class to not make a fool of yourself in front of everyone.

love,

james

dietary reform.

2008-10-14T20:30:00.001-07:00

hey now, shit has gotten crazy.

New Rules:

One hour of hard exercise a day (if I can bullshit on io9 for that long I can surely ride the stationary for that long).
I like my sugar and I like my real butter (I need to cut those out).
Watch the 8pm snack (apples or bananas only!).
No mayo on my tuna sandwich (weak, but the shit is garbage).
Read 100 pages of something a night.

Starts at Oct 15. 12:01 am.

TRIPODS, FUCKING TRIPODS.

2008-09-23T18:57:00.000-07:00

I figure the Philly punks would be pretty low on the totem for mind control by aliens in giant three legged walking machines, but I'm concerned nonetheless.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-5ZlZFh6xM

stop bitching about religion, it's a blight to society. we know.

2008-09-21T18:29:00.000-07:00

dear julia,

religion just makes me want to heave and puke everywhere.

love,

james

YOUR EMOTIONS MAKE YOU A MONSTER

2008-09-21T17:34:00.000-07:00

And they do. If it wasn't for caffeine and nicotine I'd be a nervous wreck all the time. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, that my twenties have been much worse than my teens ever were. The depression I felt in high school was horrible and debilitating, but it subsided as I became an adult.

Now I'm in a permanent mood; I hate everyone and hate myself. I don't feel at home anywhere. I want to be on the road again. Nothing can compare to going city to city without a plan, and just making do with the circumstances that I was in at any time or the next. After traveling it is relieving to come home, but confounding at the same time. University can be so stifling, I just want to get to do what I want to do. 21 feels like a vaccum where I'm not truly an adult, but I cannot be caught doing all the stuff I did when I was a kid. I really don't give a shit about Attic vases (no offense to those who get a tweak out of it). I am a social historian, or am trying to be, at least. GOD, LET ME FUCKING DO IT NOW PLEASE MOTHERFUCKER.

The most important thing now is to remember that my individuality is all I really have -- I have an identity and a life, but that's it. I can't let the shit in my head continue fucking me up like it does. I can't give up on this. I need to snap out of this funk I've been in. The life I have, my existence, is pretty cool. It shouldn't perish from the earth -- there's no one just like me out there.

I'm not trying to say I'm special. There are people like me. I know them. The world would still turn if I was dead. I've known people who've died. The Saganite "specialness" of the combinations of atoms and pure luck that created a being so unlikely as me is what is important to me now. I am an patch work of memories of events that only I possess, and if I do not choose to repeat them (digitally or verbally) they will remain mine until my death.

dont stop pushin now.

2008-08-04T20:47:00.000-07:00

I'm leaving for Europe in thirty-six hours and I haven't packed. That's par for the course; I enjoy being rushed and mildly unprepared.

I really dont want to talk about this weekend.

Fannie Mae, Fuck you mac!

2008-07-19T06:50:00.000-07:00

HA HA!

I don't know if anyone is paying attention to this, but the whole subprime mess is an ideological victory for regulation. Fannie's mandate is to support banks in their efforts to give low and middle class people loans to buy property. The idea behind it came from the 1930's with all the bank failures and vagrancy caused by the depression. If your neighbors couldn't pay their mortgages and the bank was in trouble the government would step in to neutralize the situation. That was through the 1970s (before deregulation). Since then a lot of the rules changed or thrown out. With deregulation the banks could push off their bad subprime loans Fannie Mae. The subprime loans are incredibly risky investments: the interest rates are higher than prime, the loans are issued to people with checkered credit histories, and alike. It is part of Fannie Mae's mandate that they support the banks, but if the banks are bloated with mortgages that are prone to default then Fannie fails too.

What does this mean for me you ask?

A) Fewer lenders offering student loans due to the global credit restriction (this has been happening for months)
B) The N word - Our good old friend nationalization! How sweet it would be to see the Bush administration, the most fervent (and reckless) free-marketeers use that word.
C) Major bail out of Fannie/Freddie (we're talking tens of billions of dollars minimum)
D) Ten thousand other things I can't even imagine.

BONUS: How will we pay for this bailout? Short of raising taxes (which is more horrifying to the Republicans than the N word) this will mean even more national debt. Who'll finance this new debt? The Chinese and our other foreign "friends" will. Greed's patriotic ain't it?

Ibn Saud wants a cadillac

2008-04-21T19:19:00.001-07:00

apparently he loved those cars.

what an asshat.

windfall.

2008-04-10T20:47:00.000-07:00

I'm really tired.

I fixed my bike.

I want to sleep.

If you look closely, youll find that the sidewalk is covered in chicken bones. and pokemon cards.

2008-03-14T23:19:00.000-07:00

I love you point breeze, you'll never cease to amaze me. There are many spit out chicken bones outside. Put them in the trash. People live here, or at least try to. The last thing the neighborhood needs is ten thousand pieces of decomposing chicken rubbish. I'm bitter about it; not because the bones make the blocks look shitty, or how it merely perpetuates a black stereotype. My dog eats those things. Aside that these poultry bits have been in another person's mouth and had a once over by the cats in the area (which is revolting enough), I am afraid cora will choke on them. If she dies from one of those pieces of filth I swear...

On the bright side of things I found a sick warturtle card and ones of those newfangled grass pokemon I cannot make heads or tails of.

I'm changing again. And no, I'm not "going up." That term is full of condescension that only people over thirty have for people my age. Those people gave up on everything I believe in. I am just putting together the puzzle of my psyche -- learning what really makes me happy, what makes me feel satisfied, and how I have to approach my personal life. I told my mom that I was a "masterpiece theatre" type-guy. I like quiet. I like being alone. I like reading. I enjoy writing. A lot more than I thought I did. Moreover, my intellectual life is far closer to my personal life than I thought. Self-actualization for me is a big shelf of books, my couch, the dog, and a big old file cabinet. It should be no surprise, I was raised in a house where:

A) I had my own room, and was control of noise in my house. I made it. It conformed to my needs.

B) Television was PBS and Keith Olbermann

C) Sunday was reading time.

I had no idea that I liked that division of labor so much. But I do. More importantly, I need to spend time with those who are similar to me. As much as I might loathe them! I need to date someone who likes books. As much as I might loathe her!

Bullshit, james. Feel free to say what you want to me about it. I am going to make a living from what I love. It is no different than what my friends are doing with their lives. The truth is I am behind, very behind actually. There are young people who are more well read than I. This needs to change. I feel like, in college even more than high school, that I coast. In high school the regularity of assignments made you keep up on the readings (the most boring ones being those with the most work). In my college experience, I don't have to keep up on the books. I can bullshit a good bit of the work. Everyone does, but that doesn't make it right. I want to get A's and actually know something.

Not to drone on, but I hate this lets "get fucked up all the time" mentality. Drinking and other shit is fine. It is so repetitive, to do as much to watch. There is nothing good about getting drunk every weekend, listening to the same tired old bands...the bands are so tired. Smoking pot is not good for you either. I watch so closely to see precisely when my friends get dumb. I turn in to this helpless idiot who needs to eat everything in the house. I don't get many incites that make sense, or those which do I rarely remember. Not for me, if I have a problem when writing I'd rather take a walk, then chew on some gum or a cigarette until something comes out. I feel as though drugs and alcohol have slowed down the best of my generation before they really started in the world. Whenever I read a good book I feel like that I need all the braincells I can get, and all the synapses I can spare.

Remember kids, don't trust anyone over thirty.

They followed me to my mom's house.

2008-03-01T09:29:00.000-08:00

I had to come back to my mom's this weekend. My sister is on spring break, and they wanted to meet Cora. A couple of minutes ago I was laying on my couch watching the discovery channel. They were running one of those "walking with stegomegadons" specials. You've probably seen them once or twice; all the beasts are rendered in really poor CGI. No worries. I' was mildly entertained until some guys from the local Baptist church stop by. Long story short I tell the guy that I'm "a pretty dedicated Atheist" and to read Richard Dawkins. The one with the pamphets said something to the affect: "what just didn't evolve from nothing." I gave him the look and told him I didn't have time to discuss it. I've been pretty shitty to anyone who comes around asking me to join their two thousand year old death cults. When I was 16 I told the Jehovah's witnesses that I was a communist; they (there's always two of them) frowned and looked at each other. I guess I'm just going to burn in internal damnation to them. Fuck. I better go out and buy a jesus fish for Curtis now. Those schmucks obviously never heard of the socialist sunday schools or basically all the Catholic leftist movements in Latin America of the last century.

Fine. Ignorant people are everywhere; I'm ignorant too. I don't know everything. No one does. Don't start with me on that. Please though, if you are going to adopt a dogma and stuff it down my throat please read something first? At least attempt it; I've read your book. Read one of mine. Maybe we can have a civil discussion about religion (or politics, economics, the environment). Thanks.

This made me realize that I have to be more well read, because there are millions of men and women out there who are helpless. I refuse to live in a world where people are not given the tools to discuss important issues like religion in a rational way. Blind faith is sickening. It really is.

eclipse.

2008-02-29T21:41:00.000-08:00

A 25 year old black man told me that he was getting his first AIDS test today. It was on the orange line; I was ten minutes late. Why me? I guess it was convenient. What do you say to a person in that situation? I hope he is okay. I really hope this young man ok. It makes my problems seem petty.

PS

There were crazy black ladies with wig heads on the train today. Cora pooped in the house again. Everyone is home.

this week.

2008-02-18T14:45:00.000-08:00

objectives:

A) Papers for Vogel and Dyke

B) Work out

C) Make money

D) Finish Braudel

Cancer patients with private insurance are much more likely to be diagnosed early; KITT returns in NBC's "Knight Rider"

2008-02-17T20:20:00.000-08:00

Did you ever have a problem with a person's face? I can't get this face out of my head. It happens often.

In the flash comics mr. freeze is called captain cold.

2008-02-11T07:23:00.000-08:00

it's fucking cold outside.

lets see if I can beat 12 minutes to Cecil B.

PS Cora pissed in the house...eww

joseph smith and the golden plates.

2008-02-10T17:43:00.001-08:00

I hate religion; they are all the same. Religion is the organized effort to keep people from thinking, and to let others to do it for them. No priest has an understanding to the workings of the universe that is any more complete than mine; he's just a bumbler in reality too. Religious people throw the covers over their heads everyday, and make themselves believe that there is something other than what we see and hear.

The same old story. My gripe is that religious folks push me and others to their level. I have to deal with those who create their concept of the world as being a monotheistic one. God rolled up his sleeves and built it, moses gave you the rules, and jesus died for you. The apologist would say, "Let them believe what they want to believe. They aren't wronging you james." OK, fine. If that makes you feel better about it then don't read any more.

Now lets talk about the increasing destruction of the environment. There are those people in the world who believe that the Earth was created for humanity, and humanity only. We can do no wrong here; the pope said so, and joseph smith agrees. If that is so, then that enfranchises the worst in society to do their worst. Still not convinced? Take a gander at the weather. It hasn't snowed, and this is the first cold night in several weeks. Having a warm snap in winter is not the problem, it is only a symptom of a much greater change in climate. It is a change in climate that no one is able to control, and will not be benign to say the least. If one really wishes to look, they would find that the most zealous deniers of global warming are those who think that the planet is ten thousand years old. Those are the people who sold us the minivan/SUV dichotomy and then suggested that we could have both, those are the people drink DIET everything, those are the same very people who thought it was a good idea to give ten year olds speed to calm them down at school. You say, "Yeah, I kinda think something is going on. Maybe. With some of the things you've mentioned." I say, if there is going to be any hope in the future it is not with my generation. No, not at all. There truly is no hope for the kids this time.

This is not good. How often has professor Dyke mentioned that there will be no one in his generation that will change the way we are going? He is a no bullshit guy; I didn't know they made adults in "no bullshit" anymore? I cannot see generation Ipod changing anything. So go on dancing friends; make sure you keep your "save Darfur" pin on too. Cherish it. Go back to your American Apparel neo-liberalism, go pass out, and I'll nudge you when the party really starts. Thanks for everything guys, and I'll say I'm sorry once more. I'm so wrong, and you're so right! Believe that we can go on forever; it keeps you buying into religion, commercialism, and idiocy. The punks don't see it that way, and that is why we are better than you.

I wonder if I dug up gold plates and said they were from God then people would believe me.

weekend.

2008-02-10T11:31:00.000-08:00

This weekend a lot of shit happened.

1. The Acid Drop show fucking ruled, but the party at my house afterwards sucked. Fifteen minutes into my return to the house my buzz was gone. Not for any particular reason, but there was a lot of different shit going on at the house that annoyed me.

2. The Quiz joins the Cock Pit/Bonerdome.

3. The sunday clean up.

4. Walk Cora

5. Mad homework.

rock.

2008-02-09T22:10:00.000-08:00

She showed me a cup of the good red gold
Well set with jewels so fair to see
Saying if you will be my lover so true
This goodly gift I will give to thee
Away, away, you ugly witch
Go far away and let me be
I never would kiss your ugly mouth
For all of the gifts that you could give

dyke's paper.

2008-02-05T16:53:00.000-08:00

The goal for my next paper is unload all the problems that economics has in a 21st century context. My main point will be something like:

A) The 20th century was dominated by two capitalist economic theories: the Keynesian view and Hayek's response.

B) I'll write a short history of each view, ending with the election of Reagan.

C) Then I'll change course and hit'em with the problems of resource depletion, global warming, and pollution.

D) "you're fucked adam smith."

eww.

2008-02-03T09:23:00.000-08:00

Goals for the week of February 3rd, 2008:

1. Pay Rent

2. Read:
a)

b)

c)

3. Write a paper on economics for Dyke's Class

4. Play "Dairantou Smash Brothers X"

5. Music class with Enrico

Someplace in there I will go to class and hang out with everyone. New love interest?

Active Minds - Welcome to the Slaughterhouse

2007-11-04T13:39:00.000-08:00

This is one of my personal favorite anarcho albums of all time. Active Minds are probably 2nd only to Conflict in their ability to articulate animal rights/anarchist issues. They are just a really good DIY punk band with really excellent vocals and guitar work as well as some sad piano bits towards the end of the album (check out tracks 10-13). They are from Scarborough, UK (the northeast of the country). This particular release is from 1988, and is their first LP release.

Welcome to the Slaughterhouse

New Blog

2007-10-30T08:06:00.000-07:00

This is my new mp3 blog. Download the albums and leave comments.